Numb

Somehow we reach a point where it's easier to go through life not feeling than it is to open up. In some way it's this lack of feeling that keeps us sane. And then... one day... like a shot your eyes are forced open and a jolt of life is injected through your core. All that you've been building upon and working towards in some awkward and absurd way becomes less important.

Long meetings that at one time were driving forces become just another task to divert your true self. Packing your life with work...meeting...class...interview...fundraiser...etc...becomes the easiest way, although exhausting, to make it through the day.

You rationalize by saying you're doing important work...making change, but at your core you realize something is araye. And so the days pass and nights keep you awake with silence. CNN and NPR become you best friends since they ask nothing of you. While at the same time you find that asking of yourself from others is what keeps you going.

A never ending cycle.

So numb to life and so focused on self that 14 hour work days in the office and late nights working at home become the norm. It's all made bearable by the many empty acknowledgements of others and still you press on. Never really seeing it until that one day...that one moment...that one person...

And then, as quickly as it arrives it has gone. The difference? Your eyes are now open. You've seen your true self and she has awakened you only to subside and fade away.

Alive and aware after years of slumber. Wondering where did this come from. Searching frantically for explanation and the source only to realize that you're alone. The source is now gone. Sometimes wishing you had never been awakened, yet worried you will never find what awakened you in the first place.

And so, from time to time you close your eyes...take a deep breath...rememeber...smile and press on.